Beginner’s Hiccups

Before leaving South Korea, I have read so many writings of how charming Berlin is, how the people feel they „were meant to be here“. Thus, during the first few days, I looked forward to falling in love.

I gave it months and it didn’t happen. Not even with the outstanding exhibits, friendly people, or the heaven of beer in markets. Trying hard for the enchantment to come, I had my fair share of grumpy days and emotional upheavals instead.

Although it isn’t my first time living under an odd weather, one in Berlin is a quirky kind. I thought and still think that it doesn’t make people too happy, just because it gives them sunlight. It’s juggling between warm and cold, dry and humid, sunny and stormy. So the weather has woken me up with a punishing gravity on my shoulder for quite a while. Often I was so tired that I came home right after class, rather than staying outside seeking fun.

Language school is a springboard of the leap into life in a foreign country; the energizing, resourceful, and international community provides challenge and comfort at once. However, despite all the good I find, it also disoriented me. Some days we’d cover a difficult topic in class, I would spend the entire evening battling with homework get no sketches done. Every now and then I felt that my goal to study here was, ironically enough, clouded in German language’s stark distinction of “lernen” and “studieren”.

Picking up a new language is also a tiring job by itself. No matter how aware I am of the fact that one learns from mistakes, when I hear giggles or see eyeballs rolling at my apparently terrible German, I wish to have not said a word. To easily shrug them off, that takes time.

Now over half a year into living here, time has never played such huge role to grow out of these turbulences. It wasn’t like there was a turning point having my entire life upside down; simply thinking of the past few months as another adjusting process made everything a lot easier. Warmth and sun helped as well, but for the most part I rejuvenated by getting through everyday.

The only side-effect is to be self-conscious of this string of rather immature whines, but when else would I be so face-to-face with them, if not at the very beginning?

Friends, who had gone through the same trouble and are now enjoying their time in Berlin, say that this – taking language course and having lots of time to fool around – is the best part that doesn’t come again, and that I should enjoy while it lasts. And so I shall, embracing every experience along the way.