In a “multi-kulti” city like Berlin, intercultural relationships are a common concern. As a licensed psychologist in the United States, in my current career as a personal coach in Berlin, and as part of an international marriage myself, I give you my top five tips for a healthy international relationship:

1. Listen, really listen, to your partner. Strong communication is crucial to any relationship, but in a bilingual relationship listening skills become even more important. For example, in some cultures, requests are made obliquely or by hinting. This can fly right past German ears, where directness is expected and appreciated. Figurative speech can also be challenging: Some idioms translate neatly between German and English, like“hitting the nail on the head,” but others become hopelessly garbled, like “Da steppt der Bär.” If you aren’t 100% sure what your partner means, ask!

2. Do the work to keep your families connected. If your in-laws are spread across two or more countries, it can take extra communication and understanding to help everyone feel involved. Be willing to help by serving as cultural and linguistic translators between your family members.

3. Allow for Heimweh (homesickness). As an international couple, you will always have one foot in both countries. It’s natural and expected that there will be moments of cultural pique. When that feeling hits, my German husband understands my need to watch sixteen episodes in a row of the 1990’s American sitcom Full House. Likewise, when living in the U.S., I gave him plenty of space to watch FC Bayern München matches and helped him find decent shawarma.

4. Find common ground with holidays and traditions. I was delighted to find that parts of my Midwestern American upbringing, like St. Nick leaving chocolate and oranges in children’s shoes, was also a part of my husband’s childhood. Deciding which holidays to celebrate, and which to shed, are part of the knitting together of a long-term relationship. It’s important to recognize and make room for both sets of holidays and cultural traditions, and to develop new traditions together.

5. Turn disadvantages into advantages. Figuring out immigration hurdles, having different cultural touchstones, even dealing with whether to leave shoes on or off inside the house – these are all part of many international relationships. Allow these types of challenges to strengthen your relationship, and let humor and patience guide the way.